LIFE GIVES SO MUCH HOPE!

Thanks to my fellow MRKH sister for creating this video.  I'm beyond humbled by the placement of the cover photo.

"If You Don't Believe In MIRACLES Perhaps You've FORGOTTEN YOU ARE ONE."  

Karen Salmansohn

I've found so much hope over the years in the above quote.  It is a good reminder, isn't it?  It reminds me that my life is a miracle, and that miracles can be found in the most obvious places.  I post this quote time and time again.  I post it for the girls that have tangible hope for the miracle of pregnancy.  I post it to remind myself that I can find miracles in adoption and surrogacy.  I post it to remember that every life is a miracle. I post it in honor of all of the breathtaking miracle babies I personally know.  I post it for lots and lots of reasons...

Yet, at my core, I believe it's crap!

Not the part about miracles for other people, miracle babies, or other family building options.  Certainly not the part about every life, including my own, being a miracle.  But come on, I deal with the kind of infertility that there is no hope for...no miracle.  Dreaming about miracles for me would really be going off the deep end.  I face a diagnosis that rips the idea of miracles into shreds, because for me, I will never in my lifetime have the hope of being pregnant.  Or so, the entire world believed until October, 3rd, 2014.

Happy Birthday, Baby Vincent!  

Your life is like no miracle ever performed and it is a miracle of HOPE!

I used to make these adorable "baby dust" bottles for girls in my fertility support group.  One day, I spilled glitter all over myself, and I will never forget a comment my sweet friend made.  She said something about how spilling the dust on myself might be the answer to get the miracle I'd been dreaming of.  I literally laughed out loud and cracked a joke about how that would be some miracle!  You know, because what I really hope for is an impossible miracle.  It was good for a laugh, for all of us.  I truly love these kinds of moments with the girls.  These wonderful women are always able to allow me to be in the same place with them, all while holding space for our differences.  I keep thinking back to that moment now that dear Vincent is born.  His birth redefines all miracles.  So, to my dear friend, don't be surprised if you start seeing me bathed in sparkly baby dust! 

I think my mind has some serious catching up to do!

I just can't quite make myself get this.  It hits me in waves, you know?  I remember nearly two years ago when the first womb was successfully transplanted to a woman.  I was shocked enough then.  I never in a million years would have thought a live birth from a womb transplant would happen in my lifetime.  Did you?  Yes, indeed, the first transplant was a true miracle in itself.

Honestly, though, the whole thing seemed detached and irrelevant to me.

At the time, I did a ton of research and there was little hope that a transplanted womb would result in a live birth.  There was, however, a lot of information about the likelihood of organ rejection and incompatibile housing for a fetus.  I remember having an amazing conversation with another dear friend about the topic.  She and so many others had called, emailed, and even mailed me articles about the national news.  I will never forget that conversation with her.  After recited all of the research I had done, I told her how I wasn't sure that I would ever consider doing it, even if the trial became available to me.  I just didn't think I would be willing to risk the health of myself, but especially not of a baby.  

Inside my head, I was telling myself all the same things I always tell myself to cope with the pain...

"Amanda, hope for all kinds of things in the world, but know your limits.  Do not go down the terrible road of dreaming about this.  At this point, there is no hope for a baby to be born from a womb transplant, so don't even think about it.  I have an advantage here.  I've learned how to accept something that has no hope.  It's a good thing.  I don't have to go through the wondering like so many others do.  I already know.  This is not possible and it is not possible for me.  End of story."

and...I really did not give it anymore thought than that!  Until...I saw the news first posted by one of my fellow MRKH sisters.

"Baby Born To Woman Who Got Womb Transplant"

I was in shock!  I was so excited!  My world was rocked!  Every imaginable belief I've ever had about life got shattered in that moment (in a good way of course).  Now I have the wonderful opportunity to reshape a a whole bunch of beliefs!  You mean...I really get to dream of this?  There really isn't a miracle that is too big to hope for?  I can wholeheartedly believe in miracles and hope for them for myself?

Perhaps miracles really do happen, and perhaps I really am one!

Welcome Baby Vincent!  

Your life gives so much HOPE!

It hasn't even been a day since the amazing woman who put this video together finished creating it, and she has already heard back from Vincent's mother!  His mother!  I almost forgot to mention what a miracle Vincent's mother is.  She had the courage to do this, and for that, I would like to thank her.  Thank you, dear Vincent's mommy!  You have changed my life by giving me hope!  You are amazing and I long to know you.  I long to know how you got into the trial.  I long to go through the surreal journey you just went on.  

Please love on your sweet little baby for all your MRKH sisters.  Thank him for changing the world and making history.  Your darling little family is loved. <3

"I would like to give my biggest thanks to you from my heart to you and all the girls sharing our biggest joy." 

Vincent's mom

My heart skips a beat getting her thankful gift to us.  Watching it gives me hopeful tears of joy!  I honor her privacy and hope she knows how meaningful it is to let us share in their biggest joy!